these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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