I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
