I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
