Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
