Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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