I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
