I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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