the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
