we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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