Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
