he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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