I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
