some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
