Moan for me like Helen Keller
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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