How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
