Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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