i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
