So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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