Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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