dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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