Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
