do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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