bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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