laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
