First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
