I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
