Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
