wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
