i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
