dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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