he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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