Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
