I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
