Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
