I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
