he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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