Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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