Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
