I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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