He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
