at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
