i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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