At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
