I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
