so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
