Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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