we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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