i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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