she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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