Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize