bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
