Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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